- It is nothing new. Motherhood is supposed to be this tiresome.
When a mother is telling you how tired, fatigued out and deprived of sleep she is, she’s not looking forward to hearing from you that yeah…big deal! Chances are she already knows there is no escape, every mum has to give in herself and it is supposed drain you out. She is not looking to have your stamp on it though. She’s slaving away her days and nights. It means a lot to her. Do not belittle her sacrifice like that.
Frankly, tell someone that you’re running a fever and flu and you feel like you’ll die any second and you’re told that yeah every cold is like that. Suck it up. And tell me you don’t want to punch them straight away for their insensitive, uncaring comments. Yeah, mums feel exactly like that.
So next time someone wails about her unending chores and ever increasing stress, the best you can do is offer some physical help. If you’re family or a close friend, may be you could baby sit for an hour and let them sleep through it. If you cannot be there for them, offer some consolation in the form of words. And if you can’t even do that, nod and smile. Nod and smile. Do not crush her soul with any unappreciative comments. Partners and mothers in-laws and over judgemental ladies please take note .
2. My baby does not eat or sleep even that much.
Ladies this is not a competition… When a mother tells about how her baby does not eat well or sleep much, she is not actually looking to compare that with your baby. Babies are just like persons, everyone is different. And every mother’s struggle, although being same in essence, is still different. Do not weigh out who’s the better baby or mother for that matter.
3. I or someone I know had it worse.
You might have twins, or an elder child, or a large family to cater for, you may be working two jobs, or some other responsibilities, but that does not mean it makes any other person’s struggle, and parenting abilities any lesser, even though they might appear to be complaining a lot. We’ve all been on the other side, or will be someday and someone who’s clearly trying their best does not need to be reminded that there are better people out there. A little boost of confidence goes a long way.
4. You look dull.
Thanks for the compliment, really, Stop!! Nothing could break a woman’s heart more than knowing she is looking less than good. We all know new mothers have little time to give themselves. While some are lucky to have well kept houses, kids and selves, not everyone can afford a good night’s sleep or a visit to salon to keep up with themselves. And when you sip your latte with your manicured hands thinking this is no excuse to carry that worn out look around, please refer to point no. 1.
5. Your newly gained kilos suit you ok.
Let’s say this is something you shouldn’t say to any woman ever. Unless you yourself aren’t looking to shed those pounds, or unless you can say she’d not look better in her slimmer self, (and who doesn’t), please don’t compliment her with words that both of you know aren’t true. In fact refrain from unsolicited comments on weight issues altogether, to anyone, man or woman, at any point. You don’t know how sensitive the issue might be and how important it is for their self-image or self-esteem. If you must compliment your friend for something the next time you see them, see the point above.